There is evidently an epidemic of loneliness, and experts are basically blaming social media.

It feels a little ironic that I would be lonely because of social media.

I used to be good at social media. Before I had heard of the Internet (and I heard about it before most people did), I was being social on electronic bulletin boards. I met a lot of people IRL because of it, and I still know some of them today. The next big thing for me was journaling sites (basically blogs combined with social media). I met real people there too, and ultimately one of my biggest social circles began with an introduction there.

However, social media has changed. It’s not cool to be yourself on social media anymore. Instead, people are expected to post only positive things, preferably in photographic form. There is no place for those of us who want human connection because we hurt.

I am incompatible with social media as it exists today, or rather, social media doesn’t fit my needs. Why is that exactly? Three reasons occur to me.

1. The primary purpose of any viable social media platform is to generate revenue. Since no one is willing to pay for social media, that leaves a revenue model centered on advertising and selling user data. The needs of users (to say nothing of freedom of expression) fall to the wayside in the pursuit of revenue.

2. Mob rule. Unlike a gathering with one or a few friends, everything you say is published to all of your friends, or even the whole internet. If we all do what the dumbest person in the room wants, and if the room encompasses everyone, then we end up using social media for the dumbest things. If your bigot uncle is going to lash out every time you want to stand up for equality, maybe it’s better to self-censor. Reddit’s karma system makes mob rule literal.

3. There is a separate place for dating. One implicit rule (see #2) about social media is that it is not to be used (openly) for dating. And it’s true: guys wanting to hook up are annoying, and girls wanting to hook up are scamming you. If you want to use social media for dating, then go use a dating app. Yes, dating apps are dehumanizing, but that’s not the mob’s problem.

Social media is not, in fact, a place to be social. Instead, it is a tool to be used by people who are successfully social elsewhere. Post your cute pics, share your good news, and maybe invite everyone to an occasional event. Actual socializing should happen in real life.

My urge to embrace an antisocial lifestyle was driven in part by this incompatibility with social media. If social media is what it means to be social, then fuck that.

What I really need to do is develop a social life that is free of social media.